Toxic Love: 7 Keys to Identifying an Unhealthy Relationship
Identifying a toxic relationship isn't easy, as one of its characteristics is precisely the emotional dependence that prevents you from seeing the problem. If you no longer feel comfortable with your partner much of the time and have a feeling that things aren't going as they should, you can reflect on whether you're in a toxic relationship by following these key points.
1.- Emotional dependence
Emotional dependence is often at the root of toxic love. The affected person often experiences insecurity, becoming dependent on their partner's happiness for happiness and failing to realize their addiction to them.
These people often excessively idealize the other person and fail to detect any flaws, eventually accepting or justifying emotional abuse.
If you identify with this, carefully analyze what's happening, don't be afraid of the unknown, and work on yourself. This will help strengthen your confidence and help you deal with the problem better.
Equality and respect must exist between both partners. If there are differences, it's important to know how to reach an agreement through communication. If one day you decide to do what your partner likes, the next day you can do what you like. This way, both partners' self-esteem will be strengthened, and you'll be able to find common ground when conflicts arise.
Healthy relationships are built on mutual trust. However, in a toxic relationship, the opposite is true, with insincerity being the norm. This can be seen in innuendos, disapproving comments, or hurtful, negative remarks. It can also manifest itself in jealousy and mistrust. The victim often feels constantly guilty about the sheer number of reproaches or recriminations.
This point can become critical and lead to something much more serious, so you should pay close attention to the symptoms, stop it, and seek help if necessary.
4.- Discussions without communication
It's true that all couples argue, and it's practically impossible to escape arguments when two people are trying to build a life together. However, yelling, scolding, or insults shouldn't be part of them.
This is partly due to the subordination we discussed earlier, when the dominant party tries to overrule the other by raising their voice, belittling the other person, or making them feel guilty.
If this is very common in your relationship and you're unable to reach an agreement without the conflict escalating, there's a real problem. Sometimes we get angry and say things we regret, but we need to realize that these types of arguments won't lead to anything good and try to redirect them through healthy communication.
5.- Loss of autonomy
There are many people who put everything aside to devote themselves to a relationship. They can even abandon friends, family, tastes, and practically everything that defines them. This leads to a general isolation from the world to be with their partner.
It goes without saying that before a relationship, each person has their own life, and it's important not to leave it behind when the relationship begins. Having plans and interests is very positive for each individual, and it's also positive if they're shared with the person they love. This is less common in toxic relationships, as all the pleasure tends to be channeled through someone else.
Remember that it's very positive for both of you to have projects that help you grow personally, both individually and as a couple.
6.- Manipulation and possession
One of the most common characteristics of a toxic relationship is emotional blackmail and manipulation. The person becomes selfish, disrespects the other, and exploits feelings to manipulate their partner, resorting to phrases like, "If you don't do this, it means you don't love me," or "If you do this, the relationship is over."
There is also no freedom in a relationship when the controlling party demands to know at all times where the other is, what they are doing, or who they are with.
All of these behaviors create a sense of insecurity and guilt in the victim and coerce them into changing and satisfying the other person. If any of this sounds familiar and happens regularly, don't ignore it. A healthy relationship is based on trust and understanding, with each partner primarily interested in the other's happiness.
7.- Happiness does not exist
It seems obvious, but we still don't pay enough attention to it. Love, despite going through many phases and having occasional ups and downs, shouldn't cause constant unhappiness on a daily basis. This point is overlooked for many reasons—it could be emotional dependence or the false belief that love is pain—but you shouldn't overlook it.
Love isn't suffering, and there's no reward for enduring pain. The only real outcome to this situation is harming you in return for nothing.
Tips for leaving a harmful relationship
Despite the dependency and addiction it produces, knowing how to overcome a toxic relationship is possible. Here are some tips.
Be aware of the problem
The first step to overcoming this problem is accepting that the problem exists and that it needs to be addressed. If you're suffering and only dependence remains between you, sooner or later you'll end up in a critical situation of resentment. Is it worth reaching that point? The answer is no. If love trumps all, why do you feel like you're the only person who cares about the relationship? Ask yourself questions that will help you see that it's necessary to put an end to something that isn't bringing what you deserve into your life.
Don't be afraid of change
Many people are afraid of change, and this paralyzes them and prevents them from moving forward. If this happens to you, you should try to see it differently: changes occur continuously and are absolutely necessary for evolution. When you started a relationship, you were a different person than the one you ended up becoming. Now you must take the next step: leaving the toxic relationship.
Talk clearly about the breakup
Toxic people typically don't take a breakup well, so you should be clear and direct. If you wait until the other person is upset, you risk falling into a vicious cycle of guilt and not ending the relationship. Don't get into arguments, blame, or debate about relationship problems because second chances, false promises, fear, and regret are more than likely to arise.
Life after a toxic relationship
Ending a harmful relationship is likely to lead to a state of apathy, a lack of strength, and a lack of desire to move forward. Your self-esteem will be damaged, and at first, you may find it harder to relate to people naturally.
Remember that on Psycolocity, your relationships can change, and remember... Being your best self is possible!