Single and happy, here we tell you how?

There's a subtle difference between these two questions: Can you be happy alone? And the other is: Does my happiness depend on finding someone? The answer is that one replaces the other. Happiness, of course, isn't tied to being in a romantic relationship. There are indeed memories with a touch of nostalgia, but it's very different from living unhappily. 

We grew up watching fairy tales and princes, stories with a love ending, with an ending surrounded by a budding romantic relationship. What they never told you, or what we didn't see in all those romantic stories, is that being single is also susceptible to a happy ending, a story of reconnecting with yourself in the most intimate part of your existence. 

Of course, both paths are possible, and if your desire is to experience that personal encounter alongside or with someone, then it means you'll learn to be happy with yourself and, with that, you'll bring the best of yourself when that person comes into your life unbidden. You'll exude your own light that will draw people closer, intrigued by that light.

Happy... Single? Here are some tips.

Don't compare yourself to anyone, ever. You are a unique person in the world; don't turn your happiness into an exercise in competition. You shine with your own light; you have great things that the world needs from you. Before you know it, what you expect will come to you. Being single is phenomenal; the world is yours, the path you take is good, and the flexibility with which you can live is total.

1. Know Yourself . You might be wondering... How? When you write, you begin to know yourself, to rediscover yourself. Focus only on the positive experiences, leave aside the problems or sorrows; every time you open it, you'll smile because it's a great way to compile all the good things that happen to us. When we're going through a bad time, turn to this book and you'll see that the bad time is temporary.
2. Enjoy your time . Time is one of the most precious variables. They say time is money, and it truly is. Do what you love, go where you want to go, live what you're passionate about. Being single is a great time; you can take your things and do what you love now.
3. In observing, there are many answers we're looking for. Open your mind and observe. We don't need to know the story of every person we meet to know whether they're happy or not; just by observing them, we can figure out which side they're on. You'll realize that being single also brings happiness, a fulfillment. Don't think that happiness is always found in a relationship. Relationships are full of ups and downs, happy moments, arguments, and disagreements. That's why you shouldn't idealize a relationship based solely on the happy moments.

It's not about suffering; our mission in life is to be happy with ourselves, with or without a partner. Consider that your best friend lies within yourself. Your happiness, security, and self-esteem cannot be placed in the hands of a third party. Even if you're in a relationship, you can't place these elements in that person. We need to shift our focus; our happiness doesn't depend on whether we're in a loving relationship or not; it lies in a loving relationship with ourselves.      

Pay attention to what you say to yourself, to how you speak to yourself. It matters, and it matters a lot. Our mind doesn't differentiate whether it's real or not; it accepts the message as it comes, which is why it's very important to be careful with what we say to ourselves.

Stop blaming yourself for not having a relationship. Not having a relationship is NOT a problem. However, if we blame ourselves, that's what we turn it into. You're not suffering from not having a relationship, you're suffering from the dimension you give to not having a relationship.

Reflect daily, be grateful for everything you have and everything you've experienced. Happiness lies in those little moments; those glimpses are what make us live.

Start connecting with yourself, with nature, with the environment, with the people you meet. Become irreverent, simple, and lighthearted. Make plans and let whoever can, whoever wants, join in. If no one wants to, then enjoy the peace that only solitude can give you. Meet people, whether it's for a few minutes or a few hours; human relationships improve our self-esteem.

Every day counts. You don't have to go to a party or have an important work meeting to break in those shoes you loved the first time you bought them. Today is the best day, and if it rains and they get wet, it's OK; because happiness is enjoying them the moment you were wearing them. Imagine laughing because your best shoes were ruined by the rain. You'll exude such positive energy that you'll become a magnet for more positive experiences.

You have some money... go, go travel. Go now, travel takes you out of your routine, challenges you, brings out the best in you. 

Love is a tremendous thing, but never obsess over it. The search is the worst killer of relationships; the conquest hides when the search comes out. You'll surely find someone, but believe me, it won't be a healthy relationship; it will be full of emotional dependency. Learn to wait; it's easier for someone to come to you because you're so happy than because you're searching.

Having a partner requires preparation, here are some tips:

1. Let go of fear. Your past relationships don't have to define the course of your new ones. Just because you had bad experiences doesn't mean the next one will be the same. Our preparation, work, and awareness largely depend on how we present ourselves in this new horizon. We learn from bad times, but from a healthy and mature perspective, not from resentment, anger, or betrayal.
2. Change the pattern. We're specialists in finding people with the same behavioral patterns as our past relationships. Clearly, these patterns haven't worked for us in the past, and there's nothing to suggest they'll work now. Change the pattern, change the type of approach, and you'll see that your relationship will change. If you don't know how, ask a professional for help. It's healthy to ask for help; don't feel bad.
3. Someone else is waiting, not you. Waiting is a waste of time; time is the most valuable thing we have. While we wait, we form a misconception about partners; we idealize people who don't exist. When someone is desperately seeking a partner, it shows and is intimidating; that's why we must remain calm and even-tempered. When you stop focusing on the wait, you reach a moment of reflection and relaxation, and that allows you to focus on the most important person: yourself. When we remain calm, we become more interesting, more attractive, and more desirable; you'll know that whoever approaches you will do so for the right reasons, not because of pressure.

Do you want to be your best self and learn to feel better, with or without a partner? At Psycolocity, we can help. You're just one click away from being your best self. I'd love to meet you.

Contact us!