Overcome the fear of abandonment
Do you have thoughts like: “All men are the same” or “This has always been the case for me”?
Do you constantly focus on what your partner does, and can't stop thinking that every action they take is a sign they don't love you the same way anymore? Do you feel like your partner is drifting further away and that you're about to lose them?
Well, I have to tell you that this fear often arises when we're children, usually caused by our parents' abandonment. Did they separate or divorce, and did the distance between them and you begin?
Did you think growing up, maturing, and leaving home would be the solution to all those feelings? The answer is no. You carry that bag of negative emotions with you, including the fear of abandonment, which translates into a constant fear of not being loved and of having your heart broken again.
What about the fear of abandonment?
The first thing you feel is a lot of insecurity, vulnerability, and jealousy. You feel inferior and believe others think the same of you. You keep saying, "How could they not leave me if I don't offer anything in return?"
When we suffer from an abandonment wound, we end up giving up our space, we begin to have relationships where emotional dependency arises, and we do so with a noble purpose: to regain the affection and attention of that male figure that we lacked in childhood. The problem is that now that male figure is our partner; you become a vulnerable child constantly demanding attention.
Do you live with constant mistrust and constantly alert for possible signs that someone might leave you? Do you focus more on those signs than on enjoying your relationship? And by not being able to enjoy it, you're turning it into a toxic relationship that, for obvious reasons, will end badly.
My relationships never end well
This constant fear has influenced your decisions about your partner, repeating the same pattern. You appear insecure, easily influenced, and willing to give everything you have to make the relationship work. This way of presenting yourself attracts men who take advantage of your insecurity, try to manipulate you, think only of themselves, and let you want them, although with no intention of establishing a serious relationship.
Sometimes men act this way because they also suffered emotional abandonment in childhood, and as adults, they constantly put up barriers to prevent them from falling in love and experiencing abandonment again.
How to overcome the fear of abandonment?
You need therapeutic support, where you can uncover the variables you're unaware of and help you reconcile with your hurt child, as well as with your parents.
Recognizing the problem is the first big step toward personal growth, allowing you to distinguish a toxic relationship from one that isn't, taking responsibility for your emotional needs, and living a relationship free from fear and dependency.
If you want to improve your well-being, we at Psycolocity can help. Contact us and BE your best self.